Be Somebody
by WandererReturn
Summary: Bella is in need of a place where she can escape her life for a few days, when she meets her best friend Alice's brother, she finds more than an escape, but a unexpected sanctuary. Does her safe haven need it as much as she does?
1. First and Last Resorts

**Notes: M for language and smut, read if ya want! Im just tryin something out! ;)**

Chapter One- First and Last Resorts.

I toyed with the idea of running. Running away from all the shit my mother seemed to enjoy throwing at me. It's not fucking normal. Normal mothers don't do this. But I knew running away would not help. I still liked to toy with it from time to time, despite knowing that I'm too chicken-shit to go through with it.

But I did need to get away. I needed Alice. She saves me. She is my best friend, my sister. I ran to her whenever I needed to get way from the bullshit of home, and she did the same when it all became to much for her. The only thing we never did was crash at each others houses because we both knew how it felt to have someone see the complete shit you live with everyday. We didn't need that. But she is the only one who would understand my current mental state, and I knew her mom was out of town at the moment. It was just her and her brother at home. She was my first and last resort.

Alice and I shared the same outlook on mothers and their inability to function, but we both knew that our situations weren't like everyone else's, we just liked to pretend that everyone had a fucked up mother and missing fathers.

We weren't super sorry for ourselves, and we didn't complain. We got on with our day to day lives. Alice had her shit and I had mine. Other people have their own shit too. Why would anyone care about our vast majority of shit? I think this was the reason Alice and I got on so well from the get-go. No shit-talking. Just deal, because people don't care. We had both learned that early in life.

I took my cell from my pocket and dialled Alice's number.

"Hey Bell, what's up?"

"Hey Al," I sniffed, unintentionally showing that I had just been crying.

"Awh shit. Bella what happened? I told you not to go home, you don't need this shit!" She bellowed down the phone.

"Dude, its okay. I just can't… I just fucking ca-" I broke off mid sentence with a series of sobs, embarrassing the hell out of myself, but knowing that it didn't matter, Alice was the one and only person who would understand.

"Okay. Get out of there, come back to school, lunch is almost over, and we'll hang out after, we'll go down to the river for awhile and talk and shit okay?"

"Alice?" I rasped, my throat sore from all the sobbing.

"Yeah Bell?" she replied in a tone that made me love her more than I already did. It was the 'whatever-you-want-I'll-do-it' reply.

"I don't like asking you this, you know that. I never have and I never will again. I'm only asking because I know that your mom isn't home right now, I would never ask otherwise but-" she cut me off.

"Bella, do you want to stay at my place?" She asked hesitanty.

"Um yeah… I just can't be here Alice. I need, I mean physically, emotionally, mentally need to get away from her. Just for a couple of days."

The phone was silent for a moment.

"Yeah okay… But Bell, my house is not any place your going to feel comfortable in. It's a wreck. Its falling apart and Edward will be there to make your stay extra uncomfortable. He's not a bad guy, just ..he's just Edward. I'm doing this because you need this. But Bell, you gotta go before my mom gets back. Renee is a nightmare for you, I know. But you don't want to experience my mother either. I know you know that."

"Alice, I live in uncomfortable, I can handle your brother." I laughed through a few more tears. I had never met her brother, he didn't come to school anymore. Everytime I mentioned him, Alice went off on huge rants about him ruining his life, so I learned not to mention him to much. "You don't know how much this means to me. Thank you so much." I half sobbed.

"Its okay dude. Just as long as your okay. Just get yourself back to school."

"Thank you. See you in a few."

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath and put on my hard face.

"Go back to school would you?" I heard Mommy Dearest shout from the kitchen.

"Ugh!!!" I roared from my upstairs bedroom. This was my solitary explanation of how I wasn't going to dignify the bitch with an answer, but to tell her 'Gladly! Now fuck off!'

I grabbed a bag from the corner of my closet and began shoving random articles of clothing in there. Then the essentials. Toothbrush, underwear, PJ's, Sir Teddington. The last one would be put at the bottom, hidden. I shoved my stuffed bear under all the clothes and instantly felt bad. I pulled him from the bottom of the bag and kissed his little white head. _What the hell is wrong with me? _I can tell my mother to fuck off but can't hide Sir Teddington at the bottom of a bag. _Serious mental issues Bella, that's your problem. _I placed him lying on the shampoo bottles on top or the rest of my stuff.

I ran down the stairs, grabbed an apple from the island and headed towards the backdoor. As I was just putting my hand to the handle I heard her feet stomping into the kitchen.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to school. Just obeying your orders." I scowled at the door, not wanting to look at her.

"You came home at lunch with no bag, now you have one, and fucking look at me when you talk to me. If I've taught you anything its manners." She rasped

"Noticed something? You? Fucking parallel universe or what!? And the idea of you teaching me anything is literally laughable."

"Shut up, don't talk to me like that and fucking turn around! Why do you have a bag?"

I turned around and looked her in the eye. I hated doing this. It always broke me. She looked like an old woman. I felt like screaming '_You're 39! This is fucking insanity! You are ruining your life and mine! GROW UP!_' at her but I had done that already today and everyday for the past year and a half. This was the breaking point. I had to get out. I felt like crying. I needed my mom, to hug me, to stroke my hair and tell me everything was okay. But she was gone.

"I-I came home to get it 'cause I have gym after lunch…"

"Whatever. Get food somewhere for yourself will you. I wont have time to cook anything this evening."

"Yeah okay! I'll get it with the money you already spent shall I?"

With that I turned around, opened the door, walked out slamming it behind me, trying to fight back the tears that dared to push their way through.

EPOV

"Edward?" I heard Alice call from her bedroom.

"Mneh…" was all the reply I could muster up at this wee hour.

"Edward its fucking half one in the afternoon. Get up."

Half past one? Shit. I sat up and looked at the Power Rangers clock beside my bed. I should probably have gotten a new clock around the age that puberty hit, but clocks weren't exactly priority in this house.

Alice was standing at the door holding a carton of orange juice and a Pop Tart. Now that's something I don't get every morning… Afternoon. Whatever.

"Nice sis! What's the occasion? Wait… why are you not in school? Alice, just because moms not here doesn't mean you can-" she cut me off.

"Actually! I've got up, showered- with cold water I might add… Its broken again- gone to school, had lunch and bunked off 6th period so I could talk to you… and you have NO right to lecture me on not going to school! Edward you're a year older than me, you should be in your senior year. You take advantage of moms lack of parental skills, you know very well that if mom was here she wouldn't even notice if I was in school or not. So shut up."

"I don't take advantage! I'm not able for it Al. Everyone in that place is a dickhead. And besides, your smart. You can be somebody." I said, brushing off her rant. That never went down well.

"Not able?! What the FUCK Edward!! You are too smart! Smarter than most people I know!! And how the hell would you know what people in school are like? You went for orientation day on your first year, and bunked off everyday for 6 months then dropped out. I would like you to be in school with me. Even if you are a year ahead. And don't even try tell me that you can't be somebody. You have so much potential! You're wasting it here Edward. You could be anything." She sighed.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I can't deal with it okay? I know that's not enough of an explanation… but its all I've got."

"Whatever Edward. If you're not going to listen to me what the hell is the point."

I sighed. I hated doing this to her. I loved her more than anything. More than our other sister for sure. I know you're supposed to love all your family equally, but Rosalie was a bitch. That was the only word for it. At least Alice is here. Rosalie left at 17. Pregnant at 19. Mommy and wife to the biggest asshole in the world, Emmett, at the ripe old age of 20. Alice was all I had left now. I didn't want to lose her. She wasn't at home much lately. She says a friend of hers is going through a rough time, but she never gives me any details. Not that I would ask… It's none of my business.

She turned her back and began to walk out of my room.

"Wait! Al! I'm sorry okay? You said you bunked off to talk to me? What's wrong?" I suddenly felt nervous. Why would Alice bunk off just to talk to me?

"Oh… Eh, yeah. I need to ask a favour." She said hesitantly.

"Shit Al. What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Everything's fine! Honest… and I'm not really asking a favour… More… Telling you something."

"Eh… Okay?"

"My friend, Bella, well she-"

"Crazy one who eats up all your time and has issues?" I asked.

"Fuck you. She's got problems at home. Us of all people should understand that so… Fuck you."

"Okay! Okay! Back down!" I laughed nervously, more Wrath-of-Alice was not what I needed.

"Right, well she needs a place to crash. She's coming here. Say whatever you want, she needs a place for a couple days. So make the house someway decent. Thanks."

"Hey, hey! Hold on a second! Not once have you ever had anyone over? Ever! Why now? What's so messed up that she cant go somewhere else?"

"I don't know the exact details of this particular incident, but I don't think that's the point. I think its an accumulation of incidents. She just needs somewhere to go. And I am the only one she has. Like it or not, we'll be here around 5."

"Okay, but what about mom?"

"What about her? She said she'd be back In 2 weeks. That was a week ago! Bella will be gone before then."

"Whatever. Its fine by me. Not like I have a choice right?"

"I'm glad we came to an agreement." She flashed a wicked smile at me and bent down to kiss the top of my head.

"Love you Edward, even if you act like a complete tool," she sighed.

"Thanks Al." I laughed.

"Oh and why are you not in work?" she asked.

"Holidays. Thank lord," I replied, thinking about the fact that 'lord' and I didn't quite see eye to eye, but I seemed to address him a lot.

"'kay," she said, non-chalantly. "Around 5! Don't forget."

"Yes Al. Go back to school."

"Yes Dad," she mocked.

We both laughed but held back the look of pain at that word.

She left, closing my door behind her. _New person…_ I thought to myself. This is going to be weird. This chick had no idea how any of the crap we had made over the years to make this house work semi-properly, worked. Screw that. She'd have to learn if she was gonna stay for a week.

I finished my Pop Tart, and got up to take the cold shower that awaited me.


	2. Jack Daniels and Dancing Penguins

**Yo! Not going to babble here, just want to say one thing! If you read and like, (i.e. add me to story/author alerts) please review! Reviews make me all happy and shit! lol! Anyway... Enjoy!**

**Wanderer. X**

* * *

Chapter Two- Jack Daniels and Dancing Penguins

BPOV

I ran down the drive way and stumbled onto the sidewalk outside my house, unable to see due to those bastards that they call tears. I walked back to school in a matter of minutes, seen as I only live a little bit away. I thought about my last confrontation with my mom and the possibility that she would notice or even care if I didn't arrive home tonight or for the next few days. It was highly unlikely. That made me experience a whole new wave of tears.

I arrived at the school gates and took in a deep breath. It was times like these that I thanked God for the lack of interest I had in make up. If I had been wearing any eye makeup whatsoever, it would have no doubt been streaming down my face at this very moment.

I entered through the back door, just to minimize the amount of people I had to walk past. It had gotten past the stage where someone would ask ,'Hey Bella, what's wrong? You look like you've been crying?', to which I would reply, 'Eh… have you seen Alice?'.

People gave up after a while. This happened everyday. I'd pretend to go home because I forgot a book or had gym or forgot my lunch. Something trivial, unimportant, just so I could check on her.

It was probably irrational at this stage. It was a 2 years ago that the fire happened. But all it took was too much JD, falling asleep on the couch and a cigarette to incinerate half the house. I resented my mother, I wished she could fucking grow up and care about me. But, I still checked on her. I didn't even understand why anymore.

She hadn't necessarily gotten better. Her alcoholism was still there, but she didn't drink so much that she would just pass out. She'd drink one in the morning. Her 'fixer' as she liked to call it. One in the afternoon, one in the evening, maybe two. Then one at night to put her to sleep.

I thought that after the fire she would see what it was doing to us. Her wallowing. Dad was gone, he had a new family. It made me sick to think about, but he was gone. What the hell could we do? Nothing! But she didn't see. She saw it as another stroke of bad luck, that some God hated us.

It was then that I lashed out. We had to live in a hostel for 2 months while the house was being repaired. I missed my house. The damage wasn't even that bad, but it needed to be aired and the floors needed to be redone, but it would take longer because we couldn't afford to get a proper contractor to do it. Mom stopped going to work when she got caught drunk on the job. She was a cleaner, it brought in money. Now she just collected benefits. So she asked friends, who would only do it when they had a day free, or an hour here or there.

2 months in a packed, damp hostel. I was the unhappiest of campers.

I screamed and screamed about her needing to get her life together. He had been gone a year and a half at the time of the fire. I told her he wasn't coming back. We needed to get our lives together. I expected some reaction. A grounding, yelling, maybe even a slap across the face. But she just brushed it off, saying I was spoiled and didn't treat her with enough respect.

So now she drinks 'in moderation'. But what normal person has 5 Jack Daniels everyday?

And I check on her. Everyday.

But I'm not doing it anymore. Not after today. Today was the last straw.

I headed to the cafeteria, and the end-of-lunch bell had clearly rang as everyone was filing out. I glanced over at the table by the window where Alice and I sat everyday, and there she was. Loyally waiting while everyone else went to class out of fear of getting detention for being late. Bless her. It's this loyalty that makes me love Alice. I met her about 6 months before my dad left, we were both 12. I was pretty upset a lot 'because all my parents did was fight. She always comforted me, made me feel like, even just for a while, I had someone. Of course, at the time, I didn't know about her dad. I didn't know about her and her moms relationship. But over time, she let me in, and we've been best friends since.

I walked over and sat opposite her.

"Hey," I said half-heartedly, giving an even less enthusiastic wave. I wanted to sound grateful, thankful. But I was too worn out.

"Dude, you look spent,"

"I feel it," I grimaced.

"What happened…?" she asked, although I knew she wasn't prying, I didn't want to talk about it right now.

"Eh, same old."

"… 'kay well go to Bio. I'm going to go sort out stuff for your stay and we'll talk after school. Cool?" She listed off enthusiastically.

"What stuff?" I asked, I didn't want to cause any trouble.

"Just gonna run home and let Edward know you're staying. It won't take long." she replied.

"Okay… thank you. Al, you will never know how much this means. You are the most awesome person in the world." I said, saying it with as much conviction as possible. I needed her to know how much I appreciated this.

"I know Bell. I'd only do it for you." She smiled. And I knew she meant it.

She got up, walked around the table, gave me a bear hug-which I never got, she's what you might call 'pocket sized'-and left.

I went to my locker to get my books and to put my bag for the stay at Alice's inside it. _Stay at Alice's. _Cool.

I then went to Biology. I took my seat beside Mike Newton and tried make him unaware of my presence. He was sitting with his back turned, talking to Lauren Mallory. I went to take my seat, trying to make no sudden movements, but being Bella, I managed to wrap the strap of my bag around my chair and then manage to trip on it, falling ass-first to the floor. _Round of applause people? Bella is here, she is your fucking entertainment! _Lauren Mallory exploded with her disgusting high pitch squeal-laugh, along with the rest of the low sniggers around the classroom.

Mike turned around, surely to see he could make fun of now, but then seen it was me and decided to be chivalrous-Mike for a moment.

He was always trying to get me to soften up to him. I used to get along really well with Mike; I used to even have a little crush on him. About 4 months ago he asked me on a date, I thought he was cute, and it would be nice to get to know him better. Mistake. Whilst watching Happy Feet, which I was quite enjoying, he tried to kiss me. So I kissed him back, but it just felt wrong, the way his lips moved against mine felt… urgent, wanting. I obviously did not have the same feeling for this guy as he had for me I tried to pull away without hurting his feelings to much, but he took this as meaning something completely different for reasons completely unknown and began to let his hands roam, palming my right breast and placing his left over hand on the small of my back, pulling me to him.

This, needless to say, did not go well.

I slapped him in the back of the head whilst trying to get free.

"This is a MOVIE THEATRE! Penguins are dancing; children are watching said penguins dance! Even if it weren't a public place… WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? LAUREN MALLORY! Get AWAY from me!!" I boomed, making the penguin-watching-children's parents pissed.

After that, Mike tried to be extra nice. I didn't hate Mike, I just felt awkward around him now. He liked me, I understood. But he was way too presumptuous and forth coming.

He was the first kiss I ever had, and it was not a pleasant experience. So I didn't like to relive it. And seeing that look in his stupid eyes every time he looked my way, made me relive it.

I don't know what it was that made him attracted to me, but I guessed it was the chase…

"Bella! Are you okay? Ohmygosh! Here, letmehelpyouup!" he babbled.

"Eh, I'm alright Mike, thanks" I replied, blushing. Partly from the fall. Partly from the Mike-gooey-eyes-stare I was receiving. God, were all guys so friggin' crazy?

I spent the rest of biology going over the stages of excretion with Mike. Always a fun topic. It truly was a lovely way to continue the crap-sandwich that was my day.

I went to trig then it was time for Gym. That was the cherry on top of said sandwich.

When the bell rang out, signalling the end of the warzone that was gym and the end to this school day, I couldn't have been more relieved. I changed, grabbed my bag from my locker and went outside to meet Alice.

She was waiting for me by the gate, smiling and chatting to people as they walked by. Ever the social one, Alice.

"Hey there!" I greeted, intentionally trying to be optimistic. It had been a bad day, but I got to get away. Even if it was only temporary. I got to get an insight into Alice's world, which, if she was anything to go by, was bound to be fun. I was happy. Happiest I'd get anyway.

"Your sounding chipper! Yay! Okay so we gotta go get some stuff then we'll walk back to mine. I know it's a bit farther than your house but hey, we have legs for a reason!"

I laughed, "No problem! What stuff?"

"Supplies! Dude, were 17 and this is our first sleepover. We've known each other since we were 12. We have to fit 5 years worth of sleepovers in over the next week! My mom left us some money. It's not much but we can work with it!" She said cheerily.

"No, no, no. You're not spending money on me! No way! I have $100 that I've been keeping for emergency. I'll fend for myself this week." I informed her.

"Ha! Well good luck with that! You're my guest, and if you know me at all, you'll know that I will not be happy if you try that shit on me!" she said defiantly.

"Ugh, you're such a dictator Alice." I sighed, but laughed at the same time.

"Whatever. Let's do this thang," She skipped out of the school gates and I followed her.

* * *

EPOV

The shower… woke me up. That was for sure. I hopped in and out of the water, not wanting to stand beneath but knowing I had to. That was making its way to the top of my 'To Be Fixed' list.

I made breakfast… well, lunch for myself with the food Alice had gotten yesterday. That girl sure did love to shop. She could get whatever she needed or wanted when mom wasn't here.

_Mom… _I tapped my chin. _Wonder when she'd get home this time?_ It was weird when she wasn't here. After all, she was the reason I spent my days in this house.

I got along with mom better than Alice did, but that doesn't mean we got on all that well, she rarely spoke to me.

Mom and Alice bickered, and hadn't said a nice word to each other in a long time. I could never blame Alice for resenting her the way she did. Mom was cold. But I think I understood more.

I missed Dad, just like Rose and Alice, but sometimes it felt like Mom and I missed him more.

It hurt to think of him. He was my hero. Every boy sees their dad in that light I guess… but I loved him more than anything. I still do. I see a baseball game, I think of him. I see a hammer, I remember the time I broke my thumb by accident when he let me hold the hammer while we built my tree house.

Christmas.

Thanksgiving.

St. Patricks Day.

His birthday.

My birthday.

Mom's birthday.

I think of the celebrations we had, the 'Father&Son' moments we had, making cards and presents for everyone.

He was moms soul mate. The day he died. She did too.

I understood, so did Alice. But what neither of us understood was why she acted as if she hated us sometimes. She was cold. Ice cold. Alice needed a mother, I had taught myself to ignore the need. Alice hadn't.

Alice loved the times when mom would go to visit friends, which seemed to be a lot lately. She would come out of her shell and just be herself. I loved these times too, just to see Alice like that. Usually when mom was away I was working, but this week I've got vacation so it was extra nice to have the house to myself, but in all honesty when mom WAS here, it still felt like we had the house to ourselves.

Mom would watch TV, or do the garden or just go somewhere. She never told us where. When she was her, her and Alice would bitch. It was mostly because Alice comments on EVERYTHING and they end up snapping at each other over stupid things. So it was generally better when she wasn't here.

I decided to get started on the few things that needed work here.

**TO BE FIXED:**

Banister on stairs is shaking.

Kitchen faucet is dripping.

Lid of toilet fell off?

Shower is gone cold again(do first)

"Okay… best get started." I sighed and resigned myself to a couple hours of labour.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"SHIT!" I cursed myself for the 45th time. I had been at the shower for 2 and a half hours and nothing. It was still freezing. Damn. I cant afford to get a guy to fix this. I'm gonna have to ask Mrs. Fenley for a raise… or more hours or something.

"Edward? Where are you?" I suddenly heard Alice's voice from the kitchen, straining over the music I had blaring in there.

"Bathroom!" I yelled back.

"Whaaat?" she screamed back.

_God Al, just turn down the music? _I thought to myself.

I jumped out of the bath I had been standing in for the last 2 hours and headed for the kitchen, when I realised I was soaking wet from all the accidental water explosions that had occurred. _Whatever, I doubt Alice's friend will care, I sure as hell don't. _

I walked into the kitchen and seen Alice fiddling with the stereo.

"IT WONT TURN DOWN!!" She screeched.

I took her hand off the tuning dial and directed it to the volume one and twisted it. The music went to an acceptable level.

"Wrong one," I jeered.

"Whatever… dude why are you so wet?" she questioned.

"Showers acting up, big time," I laughed, "So where's this friend?"

"She's looking at the garden… I told her I wasn't so keen. She likes the carnations or something, says her mom never kept a garden." She said flatly.

"Does she know who keeps ours?" I asked.

"No. Bella, come here." She shouted out through the back door.

I looked out the door as Alice's friend walked towards the house. I suddenly felt all weird.

She had long, to her waist, shiny, dark brown hair. Her face was round and full, and beautifully lit by her smile. As she got closer, I could see her dark brown eyes. They looked sad. Which made me sad. Which was really, really weird.

I don't think I had ever paid so much attention to anyone's appearance before. She was beautiful, that was for sure.

I needed to talk to her but my mouth got all dry and stuff. I was suddenly concious of looking like a drowned rat.

_What the hell is wrong? You are such a pussy! _I mentally slapped myself for being such a freak, and tried to verbalise something.

"Hi I'm Edward." I extended my hand for her to take.

**Next chapter soon..**

**Wanderer .X**


	3. Revelry and Kill Bill

Chapter Three- Revelry and Tears

BPOV

"Hi, I'm Edward," He extended his hand to me, and I completely lost it. Internally of course.

"Uh…" Well, maybe not so internally. _What the hell was that? Regain brain control Bella. _

I laughed at myself for being so weird. But this guy, Alice's brother, I reminded myself, was beautiful. His hair was a shade I had never seen. It was copper, but richer. His eyes were piercing green, but dark around the edges. His eyes looked burdened and… worried maybe? I wanted to look at them for much longer than at all appropriate. He was also drenched, so his t-shirt was clinging to his very obviously chiselled chest. _Oh, for the love of all that is holy!_

"Bella, is it?_" _he asked cautiously_._

I answered with a simple "Mmhmm," Mostly because I couldn't say anything else, but also because I was terrified if I did say anything it would be completely idiotic.

"Glad to have you here Bella," Edward said. His voice was smooth and soft. I almost collapsed to the floor.

"Well now that that riveting conversation is over, I think a tour is in order!" Alice chirped in, getting all enthusiastic. She began to bring me away from Edward. I was thankful as I couldn't make anymore of an ass of myself, but I also wanted to stay. I wanted to talk with him. I wanted to get to know him, but I was too awestruck by him right now. Looks usually didn't have this wild affect on me, but I guessed that the initial reaction was going to wear off once I had time to collect myself.

Alice led me out of the kitchen which was at the back of the house where we had entered_. _She told me the front hallway got used as a place to put junk. The house was so tiny that there was nowhere else.

She showed me the living room; it had a small TV, a long couch and one arm chair. DVD's, CD's and books were scattered all over the floor. There were blankets thrown on the arms of the couch and on the floor. I could easily imagine Alice curled up in the arm chair, with the blanket wrapped around her, reading or watching TV, while her brother stretched out on the long couch, _Mmm…_

_Control yourself_

_Whatever,__ He's hot!_

_Stop it._

I tried to push my insanity aside for a few moments to take in, and fully appreciate Alice's tour. She was excited about this, and I was drooling over her brother. It was unfair. I looked around the room and it looked comfortable, comforting. I was glad she had this space.

"Al, your house is… so… something." I told her, struggling to find the words. I didn't understand her dislike. She had always said it was uncomfortable, old, falling down. It was old and it was certainly in need of repair. The walls were riddled with cracks and the windows were missing panes that were covered by wooden boards, but I felt like they had worked to make it theirs, and succeeded "I don't get it. You've always said you hate it here?"

"No Bella, I've said I hate it here when she's here." She corrected. "Edward has made this house the best it could possibly be with what we've got. But when she's here it looses that. Of course she never comes in here. She stays in here fucking garden all day. Or she just leaves. But still, the house always feels colder when she's here."

She told me offhandedly. But something clicked and I had a thought. I began to understand the differences between mine and Alice's situations. My house didn't have this… this feeling of safety. I always felt afraid in my house. For my safety and my mothers. I never got that peace that I was experiencing here. But maybe, if my mother had not been the problem that she was I could achieve this. If I had the chance to make it my own, to bring normal comforts to it, I had my bedroom, that was my safe haven, but no TV was ever watched by me in the house, no music was ever played.

When I was at home I would spend my nights in my bedroom doing homework or reading. I couldn't have the noise of a TV or CD's. I needed to be able to hear what she way doing downstairs. Just in case. But Alice had told me that though our situations were similar in that we lacked what we needed in a mother, they were different also. Alice's mother was cold. Mine was a liability.

I could never create a place that I felt entirely comfortable. That saddened me but, again, I was thankful that Alice had it.

She led me out of the living room and down the short hall. There were two doorways opposite each other in it and at the very end was a stairway that looked more like a ladder. It was almost entirely vertical, but Alice called it a stairs so I just went with it.

"This is the bathroom," she opened one of the doors in the hallway. The bathroom was small and clean. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"That's Edwards room," she pointed at the door directly opposite.

"Oh," was all that I could manage. _What the HELL? _

"Up you go!" Alice laughed, looking at me eye the 'stairs'. "Um… you know I'm really uncoordinated right?"

"Yes Bella, I do," she laughed harder.

"If I die it's your fault," I murmured.

"Whatever Bella! I'll bring your bags up, you just concentrate on getting your pretty little self up those stairs." She took my backpack and extra bag and pushed me to go up the stairs.

I put my foot on the first step and then brought the other up, continuing this until I was about five steps up, then I had to hold on to the sides of the stairs. _This is NOT a stairs. _I thought to myself.

I looked down to see if Alice was behind me and seen Edward standing beside Alice laughing. I swear I nearly fell down the fucking thing. My cheeks burned and I quickened my steps until I was to the top of the stairs.

"Not funny," I growled, bringing myself to a sitting position at the top of the stairs.

"Very funny actually, dear." Alice laughed.

"Come on Al, you had trouble with that thing at the start too," Edward said in his damn velvet voice. Despite his voice being so smooth and sensuous, I still felt pissed off.

"Hey, you were laughing too!" I yelled at him, regretting it instantly, the first thing I say to him, and it's a bitchy remark, even though he was defending me.

"Oh… um sorry. I was just… um… I'll leave you two to it." Edward spluttered and retreated down the hall.

"Wait!" I called involuntarily. Once I'd said it I decided it was probably a good thing. I really didn't want to get off to a bad start with this guy, and not just because he was nothing but beautiful. Because he was letting me, a stranger, stay in his house for the next week. I really needed him to know that I wasn't an ungrateful bitch.

"I… I didn't mean to sound rude. Sorry. I really do appreciate you letting me stay here. I'm really sorry." I said, meaning it, looking into his beautiful eyes.

He looked straight back at me and said "No problem, Bella." He smiled. _Oh wow… _I really felt like my insides were melting at the sight of that little crooked smile he was displaying. I sighed and replied "thank you," before he turned to go into the bathroom.

Alice proceeded to climb the stairs with no assistance, all the while carrying my two bags.

"What do you think?" Alice asked shyly once she reached the top. I realized then that I hadn't taken notice of her room. It was at the very top of the stairs, there was nothing else on this floor but this small room.

It was beautiful. It had a different colour on every surface. Green on the ceiling, purple on the far wall, with little designs painted all over. Reds, blues, yellow, pinks and every colour you could imagine touched the rest of the room at some point. There were two beds at either side of the room and a small locker in between the two, a stereo and a lamp on the locker.

"Alice… its so awesome! It's so you!" I laughed. That much was true. Eccentricity is what Alice was.

"Why thank you," she grinned, seeming pleased that I liked it. She had obviously put as much work into this room as she said Edward had to the rest of the house. "You can sleep in Rose's old bed," she said.

"Oh, okay," I said kind of sheepishly. I didn't know much about Rosalie, Alice's estranged sister. I knew she moved out at 17, and I knew her being married and having children. Alice had called her 'uber-bitch' every time she referred to her, and said that her visits were the most unpleasant things in the world. Other than that, she didn't like to talk about her.

"Put your bags down we'll go down stairs and get food." She said while turning toward the stairs.

_Great, another adventure down the mountain._ I thought to myself.

We went to the kitchen and Alice put on the radio and started to cook noodles and heat some form of sauce in a pan. I sat at the table and pulled out my Math homework and started it.

We ate and laughed and did homework together for about two hours, forgetting our problems as we always did when we were in each others company.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

At around 9 o'clock Edward came into the kitchen. He was dry and in different clothes. He walked over and asked Alice what she had cooked; she got up to get him some of what we had eaten. He sat down at her place at the table.

"So Bella, how do you like our wreck of a house so far?" he asked, giving me a lovely smile that made me weak instantly. Apparently the affect was not wearing off.

I decided then that besides this guy being so gorgeous, he seemed really warm, welcoming. I wasn't going to let a stupid crush get in the way of that. I wanted to know him. It was a strange desire. I felt like I needed to know him. That somehow he could be a friend. His eyes alone showed a mirror of what I guessed mine showed. Hurt. Loss. I felt like we could be kindred together. I hadn't felt like that with anyone but Alice.

"I really like it here. Your house is beautiful," I responded truthfully.

"Thank you," he grinned wide. He was proud. "You're welcome here anytime," he said, with what appeared to be intent meaning. He wasn't just being polite.

"Whoa, dude! Since when are you so nice to… anybody?" Alice looked over at Edward. "Not that I mean you're not welcome Bella, I really feel that now you've been here, seen what we live with, you can come here whenever you need it. Maybe even if I need it," she said absentmindedly and I could feel moisture in my eyes. That was a big thing for us. As best friends, we had always respected each others boundaries. She was letting me inside hers. I didn't know if I could ever reciprocate.

"Thank you Alice," I managed to choke out.

Alice beamed at me. "Anytime doll face! And Eddie here seems to be okay with this too so were all good!"

"Of course I am Alice, your making me sound like an asshole." Edward glared at her.

"Oh whatever, Bella you are privileged to be getting Edwards good graces. He's only ever nice to people who he has any time for," she laughed while dishing out noodles to Edwards plate.

"Alice, I am not that bad," Edward groaned.

"Oh yes, dear, you are," she replied.

Edward let his head fall as Alice walked back to the sink. He brought his eyes up to mine and mouthed 'I'm not'.

I grinned. "Thank you," I said. "Even if you're not 'that bad'" I laughed. "I appreciate it,"

He beamed back at me. His eyes locking with mine _Beautiful. _

"So what movie for tonight?" Alice interrupted our gaze.

"I don't mind," Edward replied, bringing his eyes away from mine.

"What about you Bella? Any thoughts?" Alice asked. "Every night we watch a movie just 'because there's nothing else to do but if you don't want to we could-" she began, but I interrupted her.

"You don't have to explain Alice, I'm here as a guest, I'll do what you do, nothing different. Don't change anything for me."

"Okay-" Alice said while turning her head back to the counter top that she was clearing off of all the mess she had caused while making dinner."-but you pick the movie. Deal?" she asked.

"Deal!" I beamed, I really felt at home here. It was such a strange feeling.

I walked into the living room and ran my fingers down the stack of DVD's, marvelling at the range that they had. I found one of my favourites and walked back out to the kitchen. I held up Kill Bill, Volume One to both of them and Alice smiled, looking over at Edward.

"This girl so fits in here," he grinned. I felt my heart expand as I revelled in those words.

EPOV

"This girl so fits in here," I laughed. _Good God_ was I happy that that was true.

Bella blushed then, and I swear it was the most beautiful blush ever. Apparently I find blushing _beautiful _now?

I ushered her into the sitting room, going over to fiddle with the DVD player.

"Fucking thing," I muttered to myself. "Why can't you just be nice and just play the damn DVD?" I heard laughing from behind me.

"Um… Edward? Does talking to the player usually help?" she laughed at me.

"Yes, usually," I laughed back. Her infectious grin spreading to me. Stunning. Words can't fucking describe it. After numerous minutes of 'fucks' and 'BALLS' the damn thing finally purred to life.

"Take a seat," I said to Bella pointing towards the couch. "My couch is the perfect place for the long night of awesomeness ahead of us." _Fucking nerd._ Martial arts movies always did this to me.

"Oh I'll sit here, thanks though," Bella smiled shyly, pointing to the floor. Like hell she would.

"No way. You're our guest. Get comfortable." I smiled, hoping to make her feel more comfortable.

It didn't seem to work.

"I really don't want to put you or Alice out of any routine or pattern you have." She said, looking forlorn. I didn't like that look. If anything, I would make sure this girl never needed to have that look on her face while in my house. I wanted to see that perfect smile reach those perfect eyes. I took a deep breath. I wanted her happy. I didn't care if that was weird. Her presence did something to me. I just fucking wanted her to be happy.

"Bella, you know Alice really well. I know you know of her pride. I know you must understand her pride and embrace it because you are here. Alice hasn't often taken to many people. And she has _never _brought someone back to our house. Now I don't know if this is a big thing for you, inviting someone to your home, but for us, it is. We're not ashamed of our house. But we don't feel the need to explain why we're still here to anyone. I'm sure you know of Alice and Mom's relationship. I know she confides in you Bella. That is everything to her. Her pride, her confidence… Shit. Her house. You are obviously important to her. Never think you are putting us out." I finished, all the while looking her in the eyes.

They began to brim over and I felt like shit. Even though I didn't know what I had done wrong. I was trying to comfort. God I'm such a fucking '_tard_

"Bella, I'm so sorry I di-" I was cut off by Bella throwing her arms around me.

"Thank you Edward. I know I barely know you but that… that…" she broke off into a series of sobs. All the while her little arms around my waist. I pulled her closer and began stroking her hair. Wow her hair smelled fucking delicious. _Seriously!_

"Bella?" I said while pulling her way from me. "No more tears while you're here okay? You are here to get away. From what, well that's none of my business but I want you to enjoy your time spent here. Okay?"

She looked up at me, her eyes red and sad. Fucking heart breaking.

"Okay. I promise." She smiled. It reached her eyes. This made me want to dance.

Then it just came out of my mouth, the most natural thing to say, yet I felt I had crossed my own invisible line. "I really like you Bella." I pulled her into one last embrace and let go, setting her on the couch. I gave her a smile and excused myself.

I walked out the door and down the hallway, bumping into Alice along the very short way.

"Where you goin'?" she asked through a mouthful of popcorn.

"Bathroom," I answered flatly.

"'kay, hurry though. Movie in ten." She continued to try to speak _through _the popcorn. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Sure thing Al," I smirked and headed toward the bathroom.

I walked in and locked the door behind me. I pressed my back against it and slid down. _You like her way more than necessary. _I thought to myself.

_She's just a girl._

_She's just a girl._

_She's just a girl._

_She's Alice's best friend._

_She's Alice's best friend._

_She's Alice's best friend._

I could think this girl was hot all I wanted. But I couldn't actually develop… _feelings_ for her. _Its been two hours Edward! Two fucking hours._

I didn't understand. I felt something. Deep inside my damn gut I felt something for her. I looked in her eyes and I seen _something._

_Suck it the up!_

I would. I'd suck it up. _It's not the end of the world, you have a crush!_ I laughed at myself, but somewhere in the back of my head, I could hear the words that made me wince involuntarily. _This isn't a crush._


	4. Late and Starry Nights

**Mucho thanks to Musehere for beta'ing my mess in absolute super speed ********… Also thanks to everyone who has alerted, favourited and reviewed. You guys make my day when I see those e-mails! Anywho, enjoy! ******

Chapter 4- Late and Starry nights

BPOV

_You just cried. In front of a guy you've known for about two hours. You fucking freak._

My head was spinning as I tried to piece together the sequence of events that had occurred from the moment I stepped into Alice's house.

First of all, I had began to lust after Edward like a complete lunatic. Which I generally _didn't _do. I mean, fuck, I just _didn't. _I wasn't a prude or anything, but I stayed away from guys because who needs me? The complete emotional-fuck-up with the liquor loving mommy? No one. No one needed that.

Secondly, I had cried. _I cried. _Edward was nice to me. So I _cried? _I mean, I had cried myself to sleep numerous times over the previous two years but, I hadn't cried in front of anyone in, literally, about…8 years. I hated crying. It always made me feel weak. My dad was a man's man, and could never seem to grasp onto the concept of females crying, and mom stopped caring when I was about 9 or so.

Edward spoke words to me that made me feel wanted, which was something, though I hated admitting it, even to myself, that I wanted more than anything in the world.

Of course, deep down, I always knew that Alice and I relied on each other absolutely but, to hear it from someone who was her flesh and blood made me elated beyond words. Elated but deflated all at once. She relied on me, opened her home to me. I couldn't.

Fuck. _Fuck. FUCK._

I hated her more than I had ever hated her in those few moments between Edward finishing his speech and me attacking him. My mother had not only taken a mom away from me but she was denying me of having a real relationship with my best friend. I hated her. _I hate her. I hate her. I hate her._ I repeated this to myself over and over in my mind as I felt the tears build up.

That's when I heard Edward begin to blurt out an apology, and I felt like shit. Partially due to the fact that I had made him feel as though he had upset me. Partially because he had witnessed my mini-episode.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I di-" he began, but I cut him off in his tracks. I just wanted to wrap myself around him. I felt drawn, compelled to touch him, words would fail me and I knew it.

"Thank you, Edward. I know I barely know you but that… that…" _See, Fail. _I just let go and wrapped my arms around his waist. He began so stroke my hair and I did not want to let go. Ever. I felt so safe with his arms wrapped around my shoulders as he whispered soothing sounds into my hair.

"Bella?" He said while pulling my shoulders away from his chest. "No more tears while you're here okay? You are here to get away. From what, well that's none of my business but I want you to enjoy your time spent here. Okay?"

I really wanted to tell him why. I really, _really, _wanted to tell him why. I just wanted to talk to him. Let him know me.

"Okay. I promise." I said weakly. I gave him a smile, that didn't mean everything that I may have wanted it to mean, but it showed gratitude, if nothing else.

"I really like you Bella," is all he said then. He was just being polite and I knew it. But I still loved hearing him say it.

I wanted to say, "I like you too. I like you in frightening ways." Although, that would probably make him run away screaming, so I refrained.

He put his hands on my shoulders and placed me on the couch, then exited the room hastily.

So, there I sat, head in my hands while he was probably off looking for a reason not to come back and endure the night with Bella the Psycho Bitch.

_Poor bastard._

When Alice came in she was too busy listing off the variations of sugar-coated goodness we had for tonight's festivities. I really didn't feel that into watching a movie and pretending to enjoy myself anymore. Ugh, I'm such a fucking kill joy.

_Fuck this._ I thought, whilst clenching my teeth. Edward had said no more tears. No more fucking tears. I was going to enjoy myself.

"Eddie, movie is commencing in 10," Alice called from the seat she had settled herself in. "Hurry yo ass up."

"So, Bell, feeling in the mood for a running commentary of QT's masterpiece?" Alice asked excitedly.

"Oh, I always knew you would be the talking during the movie type." I joked, rolling my eyes.

"Oh, oh, I'm _so _not talking about me, why would you even think that?" she said in mock hurt. I laughed and said, "Whatever, Ally."

"I'm not kidding, it's super-nerd that I'm talking about. Give him a martial arts movie _and _a good plot line and you are in trouble my friend," she said in a semi-serious tone. She had a little smile on her face which I knew indicated she loved this about him. "Besides, we've seen movies together before, have we not?" She looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Yeah, but movie theatres are places where one gets kicked out for Alice-speed-talking," I grinned wide, she couldn't deny that.

"Hmm," I heard from the direction of the door, "that much is true. I consider kicking you out of here sometimes when you get at top speeds," Edward said through a little crooked smile. I felt my face redden at his presence, but I was seriously relieved he was back.

"Oh shut it would you?" Alice growled through her teeth. "I talk at a respectable speed. Unlike _some,_ who just brood."

He laughed his velvet laugh and she looked satisfied. He took his seat at the opposite end of the couch and I instantly felt the pull to reach out and touch him but tried my hardest to ignore it.

Alice pressed play on the DVD player and the movie began. Edward sat in his distant realm on the couch and observed the film. He stared intently at the screen like he was trying to figure out a complex equation. Every now and then his eyes would dart around the room, sometimes they would catch mine, only for me to look away instantly. I looked over at Alice and she had a completely baffled look on her face.

"Edward, what the fuck?" she asked bluntly.

"Uh, what?" Edward asked, looking like he had no idea what Alice was talking about.

"You're being… quiet?!" She said with a tone that truly made me wonder what was wrong with him.

"Oh, I'm just tired," he brushed her off. I was surprised he didn't know that that was always a bad idea.

"Oh, please. Do not fucking mock me." Alice said with disgust.

"Alice, come on. I'm not. I'm sorry, okay? I'll pay more attention," he said, looking sorry.

"Whatever, Edward, if you don't want to be here with Bella and me, you can leave," she stated, sounding nothing but pissed.

"No, it's not that," Edward said meekly. "I'm just distracted, okay?"

"Whatever." She replied curtly.

From then on he _really _got into the movie. At first he started stating random facts about the movie dryly. Where it was filmed, how many were actually in the Crazy 88. Then he started quoting the characters as they spoke. He began to get incredibly excited and I watched him with awe as he got so passionate about a movie. By the end, I had watched more of Edward than I had of the actual film.

"Well kids, that was fun," Alice exclaimed while stretching her arms and legs from the two hours of sitting. "Time for bed, Bellakins."

"'kay," I replied, while doing the same. I glanced at Edward whilst mid stretch. He was gazing at me intently. Well, when I say me… I mean my ass. It made me blush insanely but also made me feel all butterfly-in-my-stomach like.

He caught me looking at him, his eyes locked with mine, complete embarrassment spreading across his face. He looked away abruptly.

"Um, night you guys," he said while basically running for the door. I felt giddy, because it looked as though he was totally checking me out, but not so giddy when the insecure thoughts began to creep in. _Why in the name of sweet Jesus would he be looking at your ass?_

"Bell, I'm just going to bring this stuff out to the kitchen, you head up to my room and get ready for bed if you like." Alice said, sleepily.

"Okay, Al." I replied with a yawn. It was a pretend yawn, but she didn't have to know that.

I climbed the awful excuse for a stairway again and grabbed my bag from the floor. I unzipped it and saw Sir Teddington look at me through his little black eyes

"Hey, buddy, I had a very interesting day," I said in a serious tone to my stuffed bear. I placed him back on my pillow and began to search my bag for my pyjamas.

I found them and changed quickly. Pulling back the covers on the bed, I jumped in swiftly and lay my head on the pillow. I could feel my muscles uncoil in every part of my body. Laying there for a few moments, I replayed the day over in my head and I knew sleep would escape me yet again.

EPOV

_Oh mother of God, she caught me looking at her ass. _

_And what a fine ass she has._

I was such an idiot to so blatantly check her out like that. How could I help it though…? She was stretching in front of me. Her arms high in the air. Her sweater pulled up revealing her lower back. Then she turned and saw my eyes plastered to her beautiful behind and I just bolted.

Of course she thinks I'm a complete weirdo now. Comforting her one minute. Eyeing her up the next.

_I am a complete weirdo. _

I had spent the first half of my favourite movie ever, deep in thought.

Thoughts of my feelings for Bella.

Thoughts on how to avoid those feelings.

Thoughts of how her hair smelled.

I should give Alice more credit, she obviously knows me well. She picked up on my complete lack of normalcy instantly and called me out on it. I didn't want to piss her off so I pushed my thoughts aside, if only for the remainder of the movie. It was better than not at all.

Then the movie ended and she was in front of me and I couldn't look away and basically I'm a fool.

After my swift exit I went to my bedroom. Sprawling myself across my bed.

I lay there for seconds, minutes, hours, who knows. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to make sense of my day. I really liked Bella. I really, _really _liked Bella. Of that much I was 100% sure. It was fruitless denying it any longer.

But what was I to do about it? How could I get over these irrational thoughts if I was going to see her everyday for the next week? I knew I had no choice. I knew I had to ignore the irrational thoughts. I had to push my romantic feelings aside and concentrate on being Bella's friend. I wouldn't ignore her or try to pretend she meant nothing. I would not deny myself the chance to get to know this girl while she was here.

However, the little nagging voice was telling me to take this rare occurrence and grab it with all my strength. Never had I felt this insane intensity about someone. Never. What if I wanted it?

_Alice._

That was the only thought that I needed to think and my mind was made up.

I needed to clear my mind of Bella thoughts so I got up from my bed and went to the kitchen to get a drink or something. Anything really. A distraction.

I walked into our moonlit kitchen and turned on the faucet, letting it run. Filling a glass, I took a sip and looked out the window at the stars.

I had always marvelled at the stars. Their history, what they had seen, their beauty. I had read countless books about star constellations when I was in elementary school, but my fascination stood up until my present age.

I was distracted my gaze by the small sound of footsteps from behind me. I turned and Bella was standing in the doorway. Meeting my gaze, she began to retreat.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," she mumbled as she walked back out the door.

_Where is she going?_

_Say it out loud!_

"Wait, where are you going? Don't go," I semi-yelled, embarrassing myself greatly but not really caring at that particular moment.

"Stay, Bella, I was just getting a drink," I mumbled.

"Um, okay." She replied awkwardly.

"Can't sleep?" I asked. _Of course she can't sleep. Fucking idiot. _

"Um, no. I'm not much of a sleeper honestly," she said flatly. I concentrated on her face then. She had moisture running down her face.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, not caring if I was prying for some reason.

"Oh, nothing," she said, wiping her eyes. "So what are you doing up so late?" She interjected, forcing me to abandon questioning her.

"I'm not much of a sleeper either, actually," I answered honestly. "I don't really have a set time for sleeping, it just happens when it happens," I laughed. It was so true. Alice was always so punctual about sleep, always 10-10:30. Whereas, I would just wander from the kitchen to my room doing…well…nothing.

"Alice is very exact about her sleep schedule," Bella said laughing, mirroring my thoughts.

"Mind reader," I accused, laughing back. "So why are you down here?" I asked, hoping I wasn't pressing too much into anything.

"Just felt kind of restless, had to get up, you know?" She answered, while fiddling with a strand of her hair.

"Yeah, I do," I said, looking back at the stars. " Bella would you like a cup of tea or something?"

"Sure, why not?" She replied, brightening her voice. I flicked on the kettle and got cups from the cupboard, setting them on the counter top. I walked over to the table, the opposite end to where Bella was sitting, and sat down.

"Do you want to talk about it, Bella," I asked, wearily. I didn't want to pry. I truly wanted to avoid her being uncomfortable. However, I also wanted her to feel as if she could talk with me, if she needed it.

"I'm okay, Edward, honestly. Just a rough day," she said, her eyes meeting mine. "I do want to thank you though," she said then.

I searched my mind for something she could be thankful for. I had made her cry, maybe it had been with good intention, but then I was caught checking out her ass. I would've thought she would be slightly less thankful and more creeped out after that. "What for?" I asked bluntly.

"For comforting me when I was a wreck, and still being nice to me, and making me tea," she trailed off then.

"Bella, you weren't a wreck, and I really don't mind. Thank you for letting me,"

A smile began to spread across her face and I beamed back. I really liked her smile. I decided to lighten the conversation then. I wanted that smile to stay on her face.

"So, Bella, why Kill Bill?" I asked, grinning. She began to tell me how she adored everything Quentin Tarantino had ever directed and told me that Pulp Fiction was her favourite movie of all time. Of course, I adored her even more at this because I too believed that Quentin Tarantino was a God on earth. I asked her about her favourite albums, artists, songs, and found that we had similar if not identical taste in some areas. However when it came to literature, we went our separate ways.

We agreed to disagree that Charlotte Brontë was not the greatest writer of all time. She had issues with this, saying I had the typical male view, but I would not back down. We laughed and talked, while drinking our tea for hours. I looked at the clock in the kitchen and it was 4:30 am.

"Oh god, Bella, you have school tomorrow," I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

"Shit, yeah I do," she said, looking sad. "I have a history test actually… Fuck." She complained, closing her eyes.

"Don't like history?" I asked.

"Oh no, I love history. It's actually the only thing I enjoy in school. I just didn't study tonight, and I hate failing history tests. Well any test really. But history, I'm good at, so it's a special kind of disappointment when I fail," She replied sleepily.

I stood up to bring our cups to the sink. "You like history? There's history for you." I said, pointing out the window to the clear sky lit by the stars.

"They are beautiful," she said quietly, joining me at the window, looking into the sky. I looked down at her, her skin looking incredibly pale and flawless in the moonlight.

"Yeah, they are," I stuttered. She looked up at me, her brown eyes looking strangely alight. They stayed fixed with mine while we stood there under the night sky. My hand began to rise and I brushed my palm across her cheek and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. Her arm lifted and she rested her hand on the back of mine.

We stood like that, with my hand on her face and her hand on mine for a few moments. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to be the first to break this. I had to though, and I knew it. I took my hand off her cheek and she dropped hers.

"Goodnight, Bella," I breathed, looking into her eyes then swiftly walking away.

"Sweet dreams," I heard from behind me as I exited the kitchen.

**Reviews are my exact brand of heroine.. *Snigger* Yeah I'm watchin' the damn movie! **


	5. Surprises and Six Packs

_Again, thank you so much to my seriously awesome beta, Musehere! :) Now go read! :)_

* * *

Chapter Five- Surprises and Six Packs

BPOV

My mind reeled as I lay in the dimly lit bedroom. I wanted to kick myself in the head for ever going downstairs. _Why did I go down there?_ However,I didn't want to take away from the fact that I had enjoyed my night _immensely._

I had spent basically four solid hours talking. I don't even do that with Alice that often. Every now and then, Alice and I would wander around the town at night talking our hearts out. A lot of the time it wasn't about deep or meaningful things. We'd talk about school, books, or even trivial things like what we would do if we won the lottery. However, that had taken quite some time. We had built our trust over the years. I didn't like talking to people as a general rule. I didn't give a shit if that was anti-social. I just never fit in with people. I never knew what to say or how to act.

But I had talked with Edward about movies, music, books, for _four hours. _I couldn't wrap my head around why I was so comfortable around him. I didn't want to question it, but I just couldn't understand why.

Then I had stood before him, under the stars. He had looked at me, looked at me like I had never been looked at before. I absolutely melted looking into his beautiful green abyss like eyes.

I rested my palm on the back of his hand which was placed so delicately on my face. His bronze hair was literally glistening in the moonlight. His skin was luminescent.

I know he wasn't thinking, "Well now, isn't this fun?" He was looking at me with the same intensity I was feeling. I felt an electric current pulsate between the two of our bodies as we stood. With his velvet fingertips on the skin of my cheek, I didn't feel like I was going to melt anymore. I felt safe. I felt confident. I felt a longing I hadn't felt before.

Then he took his hand away, and with that he left, and so did my safe and confident feelings. I wanted to yell at him to get back and finish what he had started. But I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't. I just muttered "sweet dreams".

I waited until I heard the soft click of his bedroom door and went to Alice's room, and as I lay there, in the bed Alice had offered me, I thought about her brother. I thought of how my crush on him had taken some giant leaps in the last couple of hours. I thought of him and his velvet voice and his velvet skin. I thought of how I wanted to go to him and punch him for leaving. I thought about how I wanted to open his bedroom door and find him agonizing over this just as much as I was.

I didn't want to do this to Alice. I didn't want to obsess over her brother. It was…ungrateful. It was selfish.

I knew damn well that Edward wasn't going to act totally normal in the morning, or whenever I seen him next, not that I could blame him. I felt like giving him more credit, but I was seriously pissed that he had fucking walked out of that damn kitchen, I didn't think that he deserved more credit. I knew I was being unreasonable, but fuck it. I also knew how intuitive Alice was. She would pick up on it straight away. I didn't know what to do.

_God help me, I don't need this right now! _I screamed on the inside, but held a straight face on the outside. I could see the sun rising outside the small window above my head and I knew that Alice was an early riser.

I thought over the kitchen incident one more time before I opened my eyes. I couldn't do this. I couldn't get distracted by emotions, I had wanted to get away from restless nights and worry for awhile. This wasn't what I had in mind.

I heard Alice's feet hit the floor and then heard them make their descent down the stairs. I sat up and braced myself for the day ahead.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_**How did Mussolini make Italy a totalitarian state?**_

_Uhh…_

I thought about this for a moment. Usually I would just _know _the answer. But at this moment I didn't. I had watched a movie at Alice's and then stayed up until four o'clock talking to Edward.

_Don't think about that. _

It was my own fault that I was going to fail this. I had to write something though.

_**Mussolini founded the Fascist party in 1919.**_

…_I think._

_**In the election of that year they received 2% of the vote. However social unrest continued and in the**_

_Shit, __I'm so screwed. _

_**1922 election they won… a larger amount of the vote.**_

I sat in the classroom staring around at the few people writing furiously and the few people looking about as confused as I felt. I decided to write down things I knew about other dictators and how they brought the state under their control.

**Mussolini**

_Or rather every other power hungry bastard I've studied,_

_**First brought the media under his control…**_

I wrote about bullshit for an hour and tried not to burst into tears while doing so. I couldn't be failing history! It was the only fucking thing I enjoyed, so I was good at it. I'd sit in Mrs. McNamara's class, listening to her talk about the good and the bad of the past. I would do it all day, everyday if I could.

Yet, here I was writing complete nonsense.

_Fuck, you are a tool. _I thought to myself. Just then the bell sounded and I tried to make a swift exit from the class. I reached the crowded corridor and more or less ran to the restroom. I looked myself up and down in the mirror. I was a mess. I looked like a fucking vampire or something.

I turned on the faucet, let the water pool in my cupped hands and splashed it in my face. I watched it run down my face and drip onto my chest. _I am such a sad excuse for a person. _

I wanted to throw something at my reflection despite how pointless that would be. I knew that it wasn't just a failed history test that was making me feel like this. I hadn't returned home last night and my mother didn't care. She didn't contact the school or try anything to see where I might be. Nada. I felt useless and unimportant. I didn't even want to think about Edward. I didn't want to concentrate on how my blood raced when I thought about him. I didn't want to think of how I wanted to run to him and spill my troubles to him while he listened to me, stroking my hair and whispering soothing words into my ear.

_Aaagh!_

I grabbed my book bag and sprinted through the door. I headed towards the cafeteria and saw Alice sitting at our table looking around the room, confused. I walked over and sat down timidly at the bench opposite.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Alice asked, worry creasing her forehead.

"Nothing, Al, I just didn't do that well in the history test I was telling you about." I said timidly.

"Tell me the truth," She said softly. "Bella, if you can't tell me, who can you tell?"

"She doesn't care," I said, holding back the ever present tears.

Alice came over to the opposite side of the table and sat Indian style beside me. "Bella, don't do this. Not this week."

"I can't help it, Alice. I've looked after her for so long now. I've made sure she doesn't drink herself into a nice, comfy coma. And yet she still doesn't give a crap. How is that fair? How can I be a normal functioning person with this hanging over my head all day, every day?" I blurted it all out, feeling the moisture run down my face.

"Bella, you have me. We can get through this shit together. I can't change your mother. You can't change your mother. But, _we_ can change how it affects the rest of your life."

"You have a bright future ahead of you, Bella, and I fucking know I do to. We are doing this together, okay? I'm in for the long haul as your friend. I am not saying ignore your mother and give up caring. I'm letting you do what you want with your own mother, but I'm here. Okay?"

I looked her in her bright blue eyes and I knew every word was true. Words didn't need to be spoken for her to understand that I agreed. Everything would be okay. I had my best friend, my sister by my side, and I always would.

"Let's go to class," I said, taking her hand and standing us both up.

The rest of the day went by quickly. I tried to concentrate on the task directly in front of me. Whether it was a trig question or a game of tennis, it was all that was occupying my mind at the time.

By the time I was getting dressed after gym, I felt as if the day had gone by quicker that normal. I was torn about going back to Alice's house. On one hand, I loved it there; I couldn't wait to be there in all its warmth and glory again. On the other hand, I didn't want to see Edward and have my mind turned to mush again. He had made me feel safe and comfortable, but I really didn't know what that meant and it confused me. I didn't know how he was going to be around me, after last night.

I also didn't want to see him because that would mean I would feel those feelings again, and those feelings shouldn't be felt. Not when Edward was my best friend's brother.

I pushed the gym door open and headed toward the school parking lot to wait for Alice. I scanned the crowd to see if I could spot her and a glint of a familiar colour caught my eye.

_Wh__at__? Is that? No__!_

Edward was leaning against a green car at the edge of the parking lot.

_Whose__ car is that?_

_NOT important!_

As I walked closer to him I noticed that he looked extremely uncomfortable. His eyes were darting across the lot in a frenzied kind of way.

"Edward?" I said, approaching him slowly. He looked startled and then his eyes focused on mine.

"Bella!" he exclaimed, stepping towards me, but then stepping back. "I…um…" he trailed off.

"Are you okay, Edward? Why are you here?"

"I…I came to talk to you," he said softly and my heart began doing little victory dances inside my chest.

"W-why?" I stammered.

"Bella, I'm really sorry. I feel like I didn't treat you with the respect you deserve last night. I wanted to say…more. I wanted to stay but I… I don't really know. I kept thinking about it all day and I couldn't just let you think I'm a prick and then not come back to our house. That would shatter, Alice… and I… I don't want you to leave. I'm so sorry, Bella." He spewed all this out in record time and I stood there with my mouth open.

He was agonizing over this as much as I was. What the hell did that even mean? Did it mean he felt something too? Or did it mean he was just a nice guy?

_I wanted to say more, _He had said that. What does that mean?

"What more did you want to say?" I said quietly, looking into his eyes. He pushed some of his hair behind his ears.

"Bella, I-" he was cut off by a loud exclamation.

"What the FUCK?"

Alice was halfway across the crowded lot, but she could be heard crystal clear. She sprinted over to where we were standing and looked at Edward like he had grown a hand from his left ear.

"Edward, what the fuck?" she repeated, looking at him with the same expression.

"I wanted to tell you that I have to drop something off at Jasper's house," he said matter-of-factly. _So planned, _I thought to myself.

"You couldn't just leave me a note or something? God, I know I sound like a bitch," she said, struggling to find the words for the complete confusion she looked like she was feeling, "but you haven't been here in so long, Edward."

He looked at her and shrugged. "I just thought I'd tell you, seeing as I was passing by," he said.

"Okay. Sorry, it was just weird seeing you here is all," she said, trying to digest his excuse. This had obviously been really weird for her. She looked completely perplexed.

"I'll be back home around 8, okay?" He asked, not told, I noted. Their relationship had some layers I couldn't quite grasp yet.

"Okay," she said, still reeling. He looked at me as he was turning and I swear there was a hint of, "talk later," in there.

EPOV

My feet carried me swiftly from the Forks High School parking lot but my brain and heart were screaming for me to turn around and tell her exactly what she had asked to hear.

I had gone there to be honest with her and to tell her how sorry I was, but when I had spoken, the words came out all wrong. I said what I wanted to say, but I think it may have sounded less meaningful than I had intended. Maybe I was analysing things too much, I don't know. Whatever had happened, she had picked up on the, "I wanted to say more," part. I don't know what I would've said if Alice hadn't had her little freak out.

I probably would have ended up saying everything. Telling her how I keep thinking about her. How she had an affect on me like no other person had ever had. How I wanted to do so much more than just touch her cheek last night.

So, I was extremely grateful that Alice had interjected. Knowing Alice, I came with a plan. I told her I was going to drop something at Jasper's house. However, I was just planning on wandering around the town for a little while. Maybe even go to the river. I loved it there. As gay as it sounds, the meadow just beside the river was beautiful. There were little purple flowers everywhere and there was rarely anyone there.

I told Alice my excuse and as I turned to leave, I thought of what I could be potentially doing if I left Bella without an explanation or some kind of guarantee that I wasn't just fucking her around. I tried to catch her eye and when I did I forced some kind of meaning into it, hoping to convey that I wasn't done. Hoping that I had succeeded I walked toward the exit, with my screaming heart and mind, but quite swift feet.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I walked around the town for about half an hour before I decided to go to the river. I couldn't go home yet because I had told Alice I wouldn't be home until about 8. I had said 8 because it had seemed like an appropriate amount of time to be away and at someone's house. But now, as the boredom was setting in, I felt like kicking myself.

I made my way through the thick trees on the edge of the road between the school and the centre of town. In a few minutes I was at the river. It didn't take long to get here, but people didn't tend to bother going through the thick trees at the edge of the road, so it was quite secluded.

I sat down on the river bank, which I knew was wet, it was Forks after all, so my ass was bound to be soaking when I got up. I looked out over the water and began to think of my day and the one before. So basically, I was thinking about Bella. I sat for about an hour just thinking. I thought about the look on her face when she saw me. What did that face mean? I ran over the few conversations we had shared over the past two days again and again; each time finding more and more things to analyse.

Just then, I heard a branch snap, I looked behind me and a familiar blond was standing with a six pack of Reiner beer in hand.

"Jazz?" I asked, very confused.

"Edward?" He looked the same way I felt.

"Why are you here? And why do you have beer? Are you on your own?" I asked, probably being too intrusive, but whatever.

"I'm getting away from the bullshit of this lovely town," Jasper exclaimed, a grin spreading across his face. He was very obviously tipsy. "What about you, Edward Cullen?"

"Uh… actually I'm doing pretty much the same," I laughed. He came over and sat beside me on the bank. "Want one?" he asked, pointing to the beer.

"Um, no, thanks," I said, remembering without fondness, my hatred for that stuff and why. My two years of being a rebellious teen without anyone in my family actually knowing about it had involved a lot of this stuff. This and other stuff.

"Your loss, my friend," he chuckled. I didn't really know why it was funny, but what isn't funny when you have a few of those in you?

"I didn't know you were a drinker, Jazz," I said. It was true. I didn't claim to know Jasper extremely well, but he and I had talked a good bit while working together. He told me he had two jobs and only did it because school was never his thing. He didn't like feeling behind in his classes, so he dropped out. He lived on his own because his parents were not okay with it.

I had told him about my mom, briefly. I told him she didn't work so I did. I never got into why she didn't work. He never really questioned anything I said, he just listened. It was cool to have a friend like that, but we weren't so close that any more was divulged past the point of comfort. I had felt that he was a good guy, always good fun during the tedious hours of work. He was always on time, never hung over. He didn't strike me as the binge drinking type.

"I'm not, but I guess there's a lot you don't know about me, Cullen," he chuckled again.

"Wanna tell me what happened? Hey, man, you don't have to, but if you want to talk about it I'm all ears," I said, feeling kind of uncomfortable. I mean, I wasn't comfortable talking about feeling and emotions with many people. But, I would have been a complete prick if I hadn't said something to that effect.

"Well, man, where do I start? Women are the root of all evil would be a good place I guess." I softened up then. I guess it was kind of a good thing for him to vent about whatever had happened. He was obviously upset enough to go get drunk, I might as well be of some assistance.

He told me that his girlfriend, Victoria, had cheated on him with some guy and then denied it like a bitch. His own words. He talked and shouted and got angry, while I sat and was kind of amused for part of the time. However, at other times I felt really sorry for him. She had done this to him repeatedly and he really believed she had changed this time. He said that he thought he had fallen out of love with her the third time she had done it, but stayed with her because of her profuse apology. This was the fourth and last time, apparently.

I gave him as much advice as I could think of but mostly he just wanted someone to listen. By the time his six pack was empty, he was slurring his words and it was dark.

"Jazz, what time is it?" I asked, slapping myself mentally. It was way passed 8.

"Uh…" he took out his cell and flipped it open, "ten-oh-seven," he said, smiling at me like a fucking Cheshire cat. Apparently, he got extremely happy about everything when he was drunk.

"Shit," I mumbled, "come on, let's get you home." I stood up and put my arms under his, lifting him to his feet.

"Whatever you say, Cullen," he slurred.

I walked Jasper to his apartment, which thankfully wasn't too far. I took his keys from his jacket pocket and fumbled in the dark with the lock on his front door. When inside, I sat him on his couch and went to get him a glass of water. When I got back he was fast asleep. I laughed and set the glass, with his keys, beside him on the floor.

I took off for home then. It only took me about thirty minutes. I reached the house and quietly sneaked around the back. When I got there, I noticed there was a dim light coming from the kitchen. I pushed the door open quietly and saw Bella sitting at the kitchen table with a book in front of her and a candle as her only light, giving the room a soft glow. She looked as beautiful in candlelight as she did in moonlight.

She looked up, startled, when she heard the door.

"Edward, where were you?" she asked, worry creasing her forehead. "Alice said there was no point in worrying because if you wanted to stay out you'd stay out, but you said 8? Where were you?" she demanded.

"I was at the river and then Jaspe-" I was going to explain everything, but she cut me off.

"Awh, fuck that was nosy. I'm sorry. God, I'm so fucking nosy." She looked down at her book, her cheeks turning crimson.

"Bella, it's okay. I'm really sorry I worried you, I wasn't expecting Jasper to turn up, but he came to the river when I was there and he was really upset because his girlfriend just broke up with him. He needed an ear to listen I guess. I'm really sorry if I worried you." As I said this, I walked over to her chair. She was still looking down at her book so I leaned down to her level and lifted her chin with my index finger.

She looked into my eyes and said, "Okay." We held the eye lock for a few moments and I was screaming on the inside.

_Kiss her._

It was all I could do not to place my lips to hers. Every fibre of my being was trying to hurt me for not talking her soft face in my hands and just kissing her. I couldn't do that though. I didn't know how she felt. I knew there was something there, but I didn't know how prominent it was for her.

Just then she took my hand and placed it on her face. The familiar position took me off guard. Why was she doing this?

"What more did you want to say, Edward?" she whispered.

"W-what?" I stammered, my brain function deteriorating.

"Last night," she whispered out again.

"Bella, I… I don't know if I should…I mean I-"

And then her lips were on mine. She pressed her mouth to mine softly at first, but then a sense of urgency began to build behind them. I put my hand behind her head and pulled her to me. I began to find a rhythm with her lips. I felt her mouth open and her tongue graze my upper lip and I very nearly blacked out. Her tongue then plunged into my mouth and began to dance with my own. She tasted so sweet, the sensation doing things to me that had failed to happen when I had merely kissed other girls.

Only for lack of oxygen did she pull away. I began to kiss the tip of her nose, her cheeks, and her closed eye lids. I trailed kisses all over her beautiful face. I kissed along her jaw line and when I reached her neck she let out a small moan that made me need her mouth again. I flew back to her lips, pressing them hungrily to mine. She kissed me back, passionate and fierce and then broke away.

"Edward," was all she said, leaning her forehead against mine.

"I know, Bella," I whimpered, not really knowing, but wanting to reassure her as much as was possible. This was complicated and I knew it. But right now I was holding her in my arms and I hadn't felt so whole in all my life.

* * *

_Eeek! Review! Good or bad! I need feedback people! Thank ya! :)_


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